Turning 25, I have been hearing the word “settle down” quite often. My journey towards the age of 25 and continuing, I have seen strong stereotyping, being the victim of such myself.
When I cut my long hair short, I was asked by many, why? My inner self counter-questioned, why not? But to voice it out loud has always been a matter of condemnation.
When I had more male friends than female friends, it became a matter of taboo.
I was asked to be feminine if I am to attract men, yet my panorama towards life was recoiled by being called a “feminist.”
Having pursued a path as an academic and a lawyer, my artistry towards modeling was always in confrontation, downgraded and stamped to be tawdry.
Being in relationships, I was manipulated to compromise rather than being supported to embrace my power within.
Growing up constantly being questioned and challenged of my own authority of life, my bodily autonomy, being compressed by conventional norms of womanhood, there were many a time I was almost made forgotten that I am a human being first and foremost.
So as I stand marking my silver jubilee, expected to live and lead a life which is not exactly of my choosing, forged into settling down with things I do not even know what exactly, it is my strong belief that it shouldn’t be that way!
As far as I can remember, I have always wanted everything from life, everything it can possibly give me. This desire separates me from people who are willing to settle for less. I cannot even comprehend how people’s desires can be small, ambitions narrow and limited, when the possibilities are endless.
Passing phases in life where I had to barely crawl to rise again, bleeding my life and my soul out to near death, I saw where one could possibly go wrong. Rising from the ashes again I realized that a woman is a powerful source of energy only if one is willing to embrace it. So this is my perception with that regard.
- A king makes you a queen not by title but by treatment!
This is rather one place where many are told who they are by others which kills the opportunity they have to realize it themselves. It is my strong belief that one should compromise to uplift and not to give up on things. I am not a follower of the concept that a woman need no man, rather I am a believer of a woman who need a man that can water his rose despite the thorns so it may bloom with its beauty. This to me is the color of love. A true king will never request of you to dim your light in the name of love. He will be your counsel, yet never force you into action and in your victory he will applaud and in your failure he will assist in rectifying things gone wrong. It is the most wonderful thing to be with another person but not at the cost of one’s own power to become great. Do not ever get misled by title. Title is what will be fed for the world to believe, but treatment is what your heart, mind and soul be fed with. Choose wisely and in the absence of a choice, learn that you are well capable of being a queen on your own. No need to “settle down” for anyone unless it is what you need!
- People’s perception of you, is not the definition of who you are!
Most of us are hesitant in doing things out of concern what others will think of us.
Fuck it! Yes! I literally meant it on a very serious note!
People are anyway going to think what they want to think of you. The perceptions they hold of you should never be a reason for you to be hesitant in pursuing things you desire or good at.
But this becomes a harder task if you are not aware of who you are yourself. Because in the absence of one’s self-awareness, the opinions and perceptions of others will start to fill in the empty spaces defining who and what you are on behalf of you; which as I see it, is toxic. Invest time in exploring yourself. Learn of your own strengths and weaknesses. Accept yourself whole heartedly and once you have done that, there will be no one to question your own definition of who you are and even if they do, you will be rooted too well to be shaken.
- You can’t please every Tom, Dick and Harry!
Some people are never going to be satisfied. Period! They will have some problem or the other.
May be you are too educated. May be you are not as educated. May be your dress is too short. May be your bum and boobs are too small or either too big. May be your accent is not British enough. Maybe you’re not rich enough or good looking enough and I can make a whole list of why you are just not enough!
Sometimes pleasing our very own is a harder task.
We were not born to please nor entertain anyone. We are not circus animals to run around entertaining everyone living life the way they want us to live. Live the life as you wish to live it. Being pleased and being able to genuinely accept how you live your life is not a problem of yours but theirs. It is as simple as that.
- Your sense of self-respect and self-worth is everything!
Don’t entertain anything or anyone that challenges your level of authority with regard to your sense of self-respect and self-worth.
Ask yourself, who are people to judge?
Who are they to point fingers at you, whether it be at your character or things you do or decisions you make? Are they perfectionists who have never in their life made a single mistake?
Who are they to deem your worth? Are you an object that is up for sale for anyone to decide upon it?
Who are they to challenge the self-respect you have for yourself? Then they must probably be inhuman!
So don’t ever tolerate it or drown in being depreciated.
- Make use of every ounce in your life. You are going to die anyway!
Do the right thing!
Do it right!
Live your dreams. Be full of yourself to be half loved. Have a story to share. Leave a legacy behind. It need not always be of fame or of wealth. Change a life for the good, engage in a cause for the good, do and be something that gives worth to this life you are blessed with. Travel, eat, sleep, make new friends, meet new people, learn their stories, enjoy to the core and do whatever the hell you like!!!
You don’t need validation!
Make mistakes for that is how you learn. Admit your mistakes, forgive yourself, face it and embrace it so no one may ever be able to use it against you. Take chances and risks. Educate yourself because in a world full of knowledge death with no knowledge at all would be of waste. Settle down, but settle down for the best. Make sure that your final day on earth is spent with no regrets and a good smile, for that is what matters at the end of this journey of life.
As beautiful as she is, I’d say a woman is the most alluring source of power that is in existence. If the amount of strength you have in possession intimidates another, it is never your weakness but your strength. Understand this, for many will have you convinced of the vice. Always remember, the key to unleashing the power within is to know thyself and to know of exactly what you deserve. Embrace it and you will attract the rightful things into your life. Everything that did not sustain and cannot sustain wasn’t and aren’t worthy or of equal power to stand abreast with you.
Note: The title of the post is referring to the line “I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.” from the famous poem by W.B. Yeats.