For along time I have found myself dwelling in certain outcomes in life, whether it be something inevitable or caused due to my own actions. I have drowned in deep remorse, raking my brain out when the result or outcome is not met with my expectation.
As much as it may sound so immature and dumb to a secondary person (which actually is), People who feel so, are feeling that way not because they enjoy feeling that way. Period! They just do. Given the circumstance, may be anybody would.
Well, coming to think of it, we all do feel that way at one point now don’t we? trying to connect the dots as to why it happened, the way it happened and how possibly it could have been avoided which we didn’t that ultimately led to whatever the unexpected, unsatisfying outcome?
I was someone who spent time being unsatisfied when my set goals weren’t met. I used to dwell in how things should have ought to happen and wonder why it miserably went wrong. Because to me at the end of the day whatever I did made no sense nor had any point as it never went as planned. Having led an extremely unpredictable life which never went as planned I began to understand that what has no point was not the outcome but how I perceived the out come. But it’s not easy to come to an understanding on that. Because we all like to live in our beautifully painted dreams than in reality even if it bleeds.
This process is called “rumination” which means “to turn over in the mind,” also “to chew cud” deriving from a Latin word ruminatus. Do you know how cattle grind up, swallow, then regurgitate and re-chew their feed? We do the same thing inside our heads when we happen to dwell in something that did not happen or does not exist. And unlike for cattle, that is not so healthy for us because it ultimately leads us into anxiety, depression, traumatic stress etc..
So this is me telling you that “what could have been” “ what should have been” is what has no point. To hell with that!! because let’s face it! Yeah well, it would have been very nice if it happened the way you assumed it could have been and should have been, but IT DIDN’T. So suck it up! Because having faced with “what it is” which is the real deal, there is absolutely no sense in wondering and worrying about the “could” and “should.”
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what you have expected if you have got something else. What matters is what are you going to do with what you have got.We seek out for problems. That is our biggest problem and trust me when I say, that is something absolutely pointless. So if you understand it to be pointless, take immediate measures and get yourself entangled in something which is NOT pointless without awaiting for an auspicious time to do so. The process of “rumination” is like quick sand. The more you struggle in it crying to get out you drown. Even if you stay still doing nothing, yet you will eventually drown. So best is to learn how to identify it and walk avoiding it and not right into it.
So how do we do it? How did I do it? Simple. Do something you never did before and cut the crap and all the excuses as to why you cannot do it. I can’t swim AT ALL!! But that’s exactly what I chose to do. SWIM!! so can you. Go sing , draw, dance, go for karate, cook etc etc.. I don’t know, do whatever the hell you like. You don’t have to be talented in anyway to do what you find interesting. Who knows, may be one day you might end up beating the born talents. So try it out. It gives you a whole new level of energy
Ditch all the boundaries and the lenses of categorization you have created and go meet new people and make new friends whether it be aunties, uncles, grand mamas and grand papas, men, women, gay, lesbian, queers, kids, people from different nations ect.. just meet people, talk to people. You will learn that there is more to life than what you have been dwelling all your life and realize what you have been missing wasting time on what has no point.
If your filthy rich, lucky you, Go pack your bags, get on a plane and explore new dimensions. If your not, like me, invest your time and focus on earning what is needed and just hit the road. Use every opportunity you get to travel, explore and harvest all the energy around you. Don’t let petty excuses like “I have no time” “ I have no leave” I have commitments” I have studies” I have no money” stop you. Because if you keep on saying what you don’t have, your most likely to end up not having it at all.
Bottom line is, if you really look at things there are so many things to do. Just that we are so busy dwelling in things that has no point, we tend to miss on things what adds meaning to life. Don’t go down that path. It has no point!